Showing posts with label mother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mother. Show all posts

Sunday, 22 October 2023

Memories of a bye-gone age 2

 Carrying on from yesterday.


My Dad


This is my Dad before going off to WW2 where he served in the 8th Argylls. He's be about 20 in this photograph.

 


My Dad (bottom far left) and his older brother, my Uncle Charlie (bottom, 2nd from the right) in a POW camp after their capture at St Valery in 1940 where they remained despite many escape attempts until the war ended. Little is said about why the fight at St Valery happened and while it was happening Dunkirk was being evacuated (I think) and the link is here if you would like to learn more. 

 

This is my Mum and Dad's wedding photograph (1949?) with my Mum's younger sister, my Aunt Isabel, and one of her younger brothers, my Uncle Stewart.

 Part 2

Every son I think looks up to their dad and I was no different.  My Dad served his apprenticeship as a Painter and Decorator in Dunoon before signing up to serve in the war, He was in the 8th Argylls and he was captured at Saint Valerie in France which was very early in the war.  My father never spoke about it much, just that they were to hold the Germans back at all costs.  They were also in part a sacrifice to try and bolster the French.  I am no expert, however my father and his older brother Charlie who served in the same regiment, were captured by the Germans and served the rest of the war out in a POW camp.  After numerous attempts at escape the Germans threatened to shoot them all if they tried again.  One of the very view stories my Father told, as much to teach me about the human mind as about the war, occurred during another escape attempt, he and a number of others were running across a field when the Germans opened fire, one of the hopeful escapees was shot in the legs but continued to race across the field until some shouted to him, you’ve been shot in the legs at which time he promptly collapsed.

 

As I said my father never really spoke about the war however without doubt it was a harrowing experience.  As a wee foot note to my father’s war experience, his oldest sister who settled and lived in Canada died off a ripe old age in her nineties, her daughter, my cousin Marion, discovered postcards from the POW camp to her Mum and a photograph too showing my very young Dad and his brother my Uncle Charlie. (Shown at start of this post.)

 

My Mum and Dad got married in 1949 which is the time they moved out of Dunoon through to West Calder where they eventually lodged with two brothers, Johnny and Willie. I had only ever known my father’s mother and my mother’s Father who were alive and living in Dunoon, we did see them but not to often which is why Johnny was such a blessing, he had lost an eye and therefore took early retirement (I think), he was like a surrogate Grandfather with a massive kind and generous heart.  Willie was great too, but he had his own life. When we were small and visited them, they still had a big black fire range on which they could cook. Incidentally my sister Moira was born and lived there before my Mum and Dad and her moved to Polbeth where they settled in the two-storey tenement in Chapelton Drive.  My twin sister Isabel and I arrived in June 1952.  There was no double glazing, central heating, microwaves, automatic washing machines or any of the conveniences we take for granted now.  It seemed too little me a big drafty, cold house. We were continually warned, be quiet, you’ll disturb Mrs McClafferty, the lovely old lady who lived below us.  During the winter waking up to frost covered widows, we knew that my Mum was already up and would have the fire going. My Father didn’t really get many holidays then, in fact he used to work Christmas day also.  I remember wakening up with my twin sister Isabel, we shared a room when we were small, to see our presents, and my dad coming in and helping me put up my Indian tepee before he went to work. 

 

My Dad years later got a job with the BMC in Bathgate, eventually to be known as British Leyland.  He was a viewer in B Block, I think.  One of his colleagues wrote a wee poem about him called “Bob the Viewer”.  I mention that because it showed me more of what my dad was like as a person and he obviously was popular as a work mate.

 

Talking about work, my Uncle Angus one of my Mum’s younger brothers told me this story about him and my dad where in Dunoon everyone new everyone.  My Uncle Angus had a job as a telegraph boy, hardly any telephones, no faxes, computers, emails etc.  His job entailed wearing a small round hat with his uniform; his company vehicle (it may even have been his) was a pushbike.  As soon as a telegraph arrived it was his job to deliver it speedily to the recipient. In the meantime, my father had returned to work in Dunoon after the war and resumed his job as a Painter and Decorator. He was walking down a hill as my Uncle Angus as a telegraph boy was making his way up the hill, his mind set on his soon to be new career as an apprentice painter and decorator.  My father called out to him with a big smile on his face “I hear you’ll be joining us soon young MacKay.”  At that point my Uncle Angus new he would be okay and be looked after.  He tells the story with a laugh finishing by saying “it was only because he had his eyes on my big sister (my future Mum). 

 

My Dad’s early life was very hard, he came from a very large family of 14, I think, where there was never enough to go around and everything was hand me downs.  My grandmother was a great woman, very gentle.  She came from I think a reasonably well to do family in Dundee.  My Grandfather whom I never met wasn’t the nicest of people, he had one leg, used to drink and gamble and had a violent streak which he used to take out on his family including my grandmother.  That is partly why I have relatives all over the world, once they were old enough (pre-war) they moved away.  My Dad said he used to run about in his bare feet as a boy.  He told me he once played truant from school and was spotted by the truancy officer at which my father promptly took flight and ended up scaling a lamppost.  Well, we live and learn!  My Dad always seemed so laid back however I think he always had a concern about me driving in my younger days as he used to say to me “Remember, better being ten minutes late in this world than ten minutes early in the next!”

 

After living at Chapelton Drive for 20 plus years, my parents got the opportunity to finally move to Langside Crescent, the wooden houses as they were known.  We had a much nicer terraced house which became a great family home.

 

When the opportunity to move arrived my father tried to figure out a way to get the removal done inexpensively as money was tight.  In these days of coal fires, we had the Briquette Man.  For those of you who don’t know what a briquette is, I am not a 100 percent certain either, it is like a brick made out of coal dust which you burned on your coal fire.  The Briquette Man used to come along once or twice a week selling briquettes from the back of his lorry and he must have passed when my father was in thinking mode for, he came up with the idea of asking the Briquette Man to move us on the back of his lorry.  My Father was a very clever man who could do many things including playing chess well (which is something I never mastered).  However, whilst his idea was sound in principle, he hadn’t thought it out fully which included ASKING MY MOTHER!  The first part of the plan was to ask the Briquette Man, my dad asked me to ask him, I resisted to no avail, I asked the Briquette Man, yes, he would do the move on Saturday at 12 after he finished his “run”.  I should mention here that my mother was immensely house proud, not in a restrictive way, just that she liked everything to be clean and polished and God forbid that the neighbours should ever see anything less.  I was 20 I think at the time of our move and it kind of left a lasting impression on me when my father told my mother and how she responded, we all ducked for safety. Of course, it didn’t take her long to discover that I was involved, she wasn’t angry with me as such, I think she couldn’t understand how I could have been silly enough to go along with my dad’s master plan, to be fair I thought at the time it was an okay idea, like father, like son.  Saturday arrived and there was gentle rain falling much to my mother’s horror, not only were her prized possessions going to be displayed on the back of an open lorry for all to see, but it was also going to be on the back of a black, dusty and now damp if not wet lorry.  I had my car, so I transported some of the stuff, everything else went by lorry.  My poor father was nearly left without a name.  It took my Mum days to clean everything up when it was unloaded after its short 10-minute journey.  Of course, loading and unloading took a lot longer than that.  Langside Crescent was a good move for us, a much better place once my Mum had settled down and forgiven my dad!

 

Moira (my older sister) and James her husband at the time, had two daughters, Helen and Gael whom my Mum and Dad took to see a children’s play or Panto in Bathgate, now I mentioned already that my dad was quite a laid-back person, however when it came to sitting and waiting, well that was a different matter.  He sat there with my Mum, Helen and Gael 9who were realy young) who were no doubt being good but anxious for the production to start. His patience got rather thin, then he said quite impatiently “Jesus Christ when will this thing start?” at which Gael replied with complete innocence and seriousness “is Jesus here too Papa?” which effectively restored my Father’s good humour immediately.

 

My Father used to love walking; when I was young, we walked a lot, so when my first son Christopher was able to walk my dad took him out as well.  One day my dad took Christopher and another wee boy out who Christopher played with when he was at Polbeth, this wee boy lived a few doors away from my Mum and Dad. Out they went and as they were crossing a field my dad cautioned them as there was some cow droppings in front of them.  My Dad as I said earlier never swore or used colourful language in front of women or children said, “Watch out boys for the cow Aa’s!” Christopher’s friend said, “that’s not Cows Aa’s that cow shite!”

 

My Father was a man’s man, he never swore in front of “the kids”, he seemed to know everything and most of all he was totally supportive when necessary.  I think I was in first year at the old West Calder High School, we had finished for the day and all the pupils who needed the school bus home trooped along to the buses.  I got on the single deck bus which went to Polbeth, the front seat behind the driver was free so I plumped myself down on it and sat back. The conductor asked me to move and when I asked why, he said he was keeping the seat for someone else.  I have a stubborn streak which kicked in then, I thought I have as much right to this seat as anyone else and promptly but not cheekily refused to move, after some discussion he grabbed me and pulled me on to the floor. He then reported me to a teacher who was about to board the bus.  I got a row of the teacher and may even have got some lines.  When my father got home, I told him what happened, that was it, he got his jacket and we were off to the teacher’s house, incidentally the teacher lived in Langside Crescent (where we would eventually move to and he would be one of our neighbours in the future).  Needless to say, my heart was in my mouth, this was not what I had expected, however my father was not very happy about my treatment and so we arrived at the teacher’s door, my dad ready to speak his mind.  The teacher, Mr Santini was actually very sympathetic when he heard the full story about what had happened, it was a relief and I was so glad that my dad had not only been sympathetic but had taken immediate action.  I got to know Mr Santini better when I was in his art class when I went to High School, he always addressed us all with great good manners saying, young man or young woman to whoever he was talking too, treating us like adults.  You could not have found a kinder, gentler person.  In the new High School, we had a Kiln and started learning pottery, one day after the class as I was tidying up, thinking nothing of it, Mr Santini came up and said to me “Gibson, if you ever need a reference, come and ask me, you are the only one who ever tidies up afterwards!”  or words to that effect.  Sure, enough I looked around and everyone had gone.

 

My Dad and I had been chatting about Turkish baths and we had both wanted to try it, I had my car so getting there wouldn’t be a problem.  I managed to locate Turkish Baths in Portobello, Edinburgh and that is where my dad and I went one Saturday afternoon.  We didn’t have a clue what to expect as we arrived at the door of a very large imposing Victorian bath house.  We paid at the door and walked into the bath section.  We pushed through the wooden double doors and entered a different world where men walked about wearing only towels wrapped around their waist.  The attendant met us and established quickly that we required some help, so he kindly gave us a quick tour of the establishment.  We started with the changing rooms which were quite warm, then he took us through another door and as we followed him my dad whispered to me “it’s really hot here.”  The man looked over his shoulder as we followed and told us boldly that this was the cooling down room.  My Dad just looked at me with a strange expression on his face.  We then proceeded to the dry heat room which for me at that time was like walking into a furnace, there were wooden beds where men lay back and ‘cooked’.  We then moved to the steam room which had wooden slatted benches around the wall, the room was filled with steam and was a totally different type of heat from the dry heat room.  My Dad and I then were introduced to the plunge pool which we were advised to use when we were finished so that our pores would be closed down.  My dad just nodded his head.  We got changed and had a great afternoon, the first of many that I spent there over the years.  When we were finished my dad stuck his big toe in the really cold water of the plunge pool and shook his head saying that he wasn’t going to jump into any plunge pool.  The plunge pool was set in the middle of the floor between the changing rooms and the hot rooms, it had a plastic curtain hanging down to the water so that when you plunged in you had to duck underneath the curtain and come out the other side.  The attendant who was in the changing rooms spotted my dad and I and came through to advise us again to take the plunge, I can still see my father gritting his teeth as he discarded his towel and took the plunge.  He was like a dolphin the way he hit the water and flew out the other side.  I have to say that I was probably exactly the same although it is always so much more fun watching another take the “plunge” for the first time.

 

My dad took early retirement from British Leyland. Just too short a time after he was diagnosed with Cancer, dying of cancer of the Pancreas at 63 in 1981.


Saturday, 21 October 2023

Memories of a bye-gone age

My paternal grandparent's marriage photograph taken in Canada. My great Uncle with the moustache was later gored to death by a bull.

 


 My Grandfather in Canada (it wasn't his car)


I have been keeping a diary for a long time, however, there was still history before my diaries and memories which my diary couldn't do justice to. So I decided sometime ago to jot down some of my memories. I think with all people our memories consist of the good and the hard, although I find over the years, the 'hard time' memories change slightly and before where I felt weak and things were hopeless I realise now that there was a strength there too, as in not giving up.  Also on the plus side and being that much older,I see and appreciate the humour in life even during those hard times. So in a way I am reminded of the importnace of hope and of the impemanence of life, and its experiences, good, hard, bad. They all come and go and we can either rise up or get swallowed up and the choice is without doubt ours alone for we are called to dig deep or not, that is our choice.  Nothing lasts for ever, good, hard or bad. other than our determination.


It was my younger sister who has on many occassions suggested I include some of those memories in my blog and share them with you. So here we'll start with my Mother......

 

My Mum

 

My Mum in her younger days when she enjoyed highland dancing.
 

My Mum passed away at the age of 79, one month and one day before her 80th Birthday.  She was a breed all on her own.  Born 1923 and raised in Dunoon, Argyllshire, she came from a family of 13, of which there were 11 children, two of whom died as babies, two girls in the family, my Mum and her sister Isabel.  In the days when she was brought up, especially in such a large family, the oldest took care of the younger members of the family. They were definitely a working-class family, her Mum and Dad both Scots had married and settled in Canada for a while and some of my Mum’s older siblings were born there, then they moved back to Dunoon.  There is an expression that is used to describe some people and their relationship to where they were born, in this instance and it is true even in today’s society, you can take the person out of Dunoon but you cannot take Dunoon out of the person.  It was for me a magical holiday place by the seaside and as a child growing up in Central Scotland, Dunoon reached out it’s loving arms and embraced not only my heart but those of my sisters also.

 

My Mum confessed to starting her life as a smoker at 14 and this and politics were her lasting passions, however I’ll come back to them.  As well as starting to smoke my Mum went into service, that is to say she cleaned and helped out at one of the Dunoon Manses, I think she was 14 then also, obviously an eventful year for her.  The reason I mention this is to give you an understanding of my Mum, she worked extremely hard all her life and her way, her therapy of working problems out in her mind was to smoke and clean.  So, if she was troubled you would find her with a duster in her hand or a cup of tea and smoking a cigarette.  However, politics and the Labour party were one of her earliest passions and I believe she was a member of the party, in these days Argyll was a Tory seat but that didn’t stop her, and she was a fervent Labour supporter all her life.  She would talk about the famous leaders of the time and also those who were to become famous.  Always passionate about the things that were important to her.

 

Tragedy struck her family with the death of her mother, my grandmother, in her early fifties.  My mother the oldest of the two sisters adopted the role of female head of household and all that it involved, washing, cleaning, cooking etc. This sort of sets out the type of woman that she was, she never ducked her responsibilities, real or imagined.  She went to work in the local laundry and had some great friends from there that remained so throughout their lives even although they were separated by distance.

 

My grandfather used to drive the bakers van abley assisted by his sons who enjoyed the ‘crumbs’ that were left at the end of the day.  He eventually moved in with my mum’s younger sister and her husband, my Auntie Isabel and Uncle Michael, their children and the family’s old dog Floss who managed even at the ripe old age of 18 (after being tied up) to follow the trail of our family who were on holiday staying with the same Aunt and Uncle.  We must have been walking for at least 20 minutes, with my wee sister Helen who was getting pushed along in her pram, when Floss had sniffed out our trail and caught up with us.

 

My Grandfather liked a drink and had been known to stagger home from the pub on occasion, any occasion, I think!  He was a lovely man and a great character.  He came to visit us in our home in Polbeth for a holiday.  Now I lived all my childhood and early adulthood there and it was not the most salubrious of places but it was a great place to be brought up, there was a large swing park, a burn (or stream) and so on but not the place you might want to go on holiday, however my grandfather made the journey, in these days it involved the ferry from Dunoon to Gourock, then the train to Glasgow Central, change, then another train to West Calder.  From there it was a mile to Polbeth, and you could either get the bus or walk it for in these days there were not many cars and even less taxis. My Grandfather walked with a stick and wore a cap, great fun for a young boy.  He was also deaf and had a large hearing aid which I am never sure worked as well as it should and of course he smoked too.  My Mum’s youngest brother, my Uncle Kenny, married my Aunt Alice, a local girl and our next-door neighbour’s daughter. They lived in Polbeth too, in Burnside which was on the other side of the main road. The other side of the main road was roughly the other half of Polbeth, it also had two pubs which I am sure was also on my grandfather’s mind when he decided to visit his youngest son and daughter in law.  However he hadn’t reckoned on the superior strategy of my Mother who had it all figured out, “John,” she said to me, “take Grandpa to Uncle Kenny’s, you’ll pass the Roadhouse, one of the pubs, make sure you take him straight to Uncle Kenny’s and when you bring him back make sure you take the shortcut missing the pub!”  Now my poor unsuspecting Grandfather had no idea that he had been outflanked before he had even left the house.  So off we went, he visited, and I brought him back the shortcut, we got back to my home at around five o’clock, when the dinner was due to be ready, as he arrived outside our small 1st level tenement he asked why we hadn’t passed the pub and when I told him, he was fit to burst.  This was a valuable lesson in how to win the war without having to go through the battle stage.

 

In those days everything seemed so vibrant, rich and filled with life, now I realise that it was I who was rich with life, I guess I still am, however it doesn’t have the newness it did then.

 

The years passed, I married Pat and we had 3 great boys, Christopher, Alastair and Colin.  My Mum became a young widow at 57 going on 58 and as far as I am aware never shed a tear in front of anyone. The furniture, right down to the cans of food in her cupboard never showed any anything less than a well polished sheen.  Neither did she show interest in anyone else for the rest of her life.  She had her bifocal glasses and eventually a hearing aid which thankfully was much more modern than her father’s.  I used to laugh and say to her that her kitchen table had superb hearing for that is where her hearing aid spent most of its time.  In these days my Mum and Dad had lived in a terraced council house with a very large garden and after my father’s death my Mother took over most of the gardening which to her was always a chore but in its way it was another form of cleaning therapy because the garden was always immaculate, so much so that I was sure the weeds were scared to show themselves.

 

 

My Mum surprised us all by saying that she might go to Australia on holiday, this from a retired lady who never really travelled very far after the death of my Father. She had decided to visit my Aunt Minnie; my dad’s only surviving sister, the youngest of his siblings, who lived in one part of Australia, then she was going to fly to another part to visit friends of her deceased brother Donald who had also settled in Australia. My twin sister Isabel managed to get an extended holiday from her work and off they went.  They had to fly to London first then catch their connecting flight for Singapore, have a couple of days there before flying onto Oz.    Now I would like you to visualize my Mum, big glasses which made her eyes look like saucers; she was a bit deaf and very easily confused when in unfamiliar surroundings.  They were in the Airport in London sitting beside their luggage; the terminal was very busy when Isabel got up for a wander.  In these days it was possible to smoke anywhere in Airport terminals.  Isabel heard the announcement over the loudspeaker; “would everyone please clear the area immediately” there had been a bomb warning.  Isabel rushed back to find my Mum sitting blissfully smoking on her own for everyone else had cleared away, “Mum!” she said, “You’ll have to move there has been a bomb warning.”  My mum said “Okay!” and continued her smoke blissfully unconcerned and unaware of the potential danger.  By this time the police were getting a wee bit agitated and came over and with a joint effort between them and Isabel they managed to get my Mum to move.  It transpired if my Mum had been any closer, she would have been sitting on top of the potential bomb.  Fortunately, it was a false alarm. My Mum and Isabel went on to have a great holiday which they went on to repeat several years later this time without the bomb scare.

 

It was some years later that my Mum’s own health suffered and as it is with such things it caught everyone on the hop.  In these days I was a member of Rotary and I had been to our lunch time meeting. Immediately afterwards I went or my weekly visit to see a lady who had been very depressed and suicidal. I gave her healing once a week.  On entry I always switched my mobile telephone off.  We finished our session, I left to go into my car and as usual I switched my mobile on and to my surprise there was a missed call from my Mum.  I tried to call her all afternoon and got no answer. After dinner that night I was heading out to a business appointment with a client and the route I was taking would pass my Mum’s home, now in a two-bedroom apartment in West Calder.  Without going into too much detail, her apartment was like the Marie Celeste, her handbag was lying beside her chair and even more concerning was the fact that her cigarettes were there too. After some investigation I discovered that she, if you believed her who never had any visitors, had a neighbour friend who called in for a cup of tea and during the visit my mother collapsed with a leaking aneurism.  Providence had provided help when it was needed otherwise, she would have lain alone and died.  She had 3 months in hospital, a major part of which she was unconscious after her emergency surgery, so much so that it was considered switching the life support off.  But the whole point of telling you about my Mum and her character happened here.  She was lying unconscious in bed with a tracheotomy, a breathing tube directly into her throat; she had gone in her unconscious state through any withdrawal symptoms to do with smoking.  My sisters and I and our spouses visited every day, our adult children most days, Aunts and Uncles from far and wide came to visit her in hospital too.  It was heart breaking watching her lying there, this proud woman who had been such a major influence in all our lives lying helpless, her face lined and wrinkled, her hair still with lots of red in it not getting the attention it normally received.  She was sprouting tubes from her nose, throat and arms. Eventually she started to come around, her eyes  opening gradually.  I was sitting with her when all her tubes had been removed. She still had an oxygen mask beside her as she lay there finding it hard to speak because of her sore throat from tubes that had been inserted. She still wasn’t fully conscious when she tried to speak to me. “Cigarette!” she whispered in a rasping voice, “Get me a packet of cigarettes!”

 

“Mum,” I said, “you cannot smoke here, you are in hospital and you are surrounded by oxygen containers.’

 

“Okay,” she said, “ten will do!”

 

I loved her to bits, and I thought well she is back! She made a good recovery and eventually went home.  She died a couple of years later with breathing and heart difficulties.  I am not and have never been a smoker however she smoked for approximately 65 years of her life and for the most of that she had remarkable good health.  As I write I am sure I can hear her voice saying to me that it brought her comfort over the years especially when she lived on her own…





What Do You See?

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